EA's NHL: What Your Team Selection Says About You

Like any other hockey fan, I like to enjoy some leisure time by playing some of EA's NHL series on my coveted gaming system. I normally like to just play a quick game between another person, and like most online communities, a majority of player I face are huge jerkoffs. Having played NHL 11 over and over again against multiple douches, I've noticed a trend among the type of players, and their playing style coincides with what team they choose when selecting the match up. Some people are fun to play as, and pick their favorite team like me (a majority of the time I play as the Rangers), or they choose a random team regardless of stats (is this a good time to mention my 7-game win-streak with the Thrashers?). However, others you can pinpoint their personality by the team they select/their lobby mannerisms. Here's a full breakdown of the social phylum of the EA's NHL franchises online community:

If a Person Selects The Team in First Place In Real Life At the Time


Chances are they suck, and are looking to compensate for their lack of skill by selecting the best team. A majority of my time this season went into playing the same three teams because people don't have enough faith in their own skill. Here's a pro-tip for all those people: the teams good stats does not make up for the lack of skill and motor functions you fail to possess. Any player can select the real-life first place team and win, selecting them on a consistent basis shows that you admit you suck at the game.

If a Person Shuffles the Preset Lines to Put the Best Players on the Top Line


This one pretty much goes with the first one; the person sucks at the game and wants to compensate for their suckage. Again, this is not real-life, and shuffling the lines will only marginally help you if you are bad at the game, like most people who do this are. Anybody who has a competent understanding of the basics of the game can score a hat-trick with Donald Brashear if they tried hard enough.

If a Person Plays as the Pittsburgh Penguins


Something about choosing the Penguins makes everyone who plays as them become like them. The Penguins are widely regarded by NHL fans as being one of the most whimpy teams in the league, thanks in majority to their centerpiece Sidney Croscussion...er... Crosby.

Press "Y" to be a bitch.

The people who choose the Penguins are some of the holiest of the assholes you'll find online. The Penguins are the team that the guys who will spend more time diving to get the puck from you then actually on their feet will choose to play as.  These are the people who will do nearly anything (diving, spamming the hook button) to win, no matter how womanly their play style is.

If A Person Plays as the Vancouver Canucks

I had to deal with team a lot in the last few weeks with the Finals going on and all, and I was damn near ready to break my controller in the process. A lot of activity on the Canucks has died down because not a lot of people want to be tied in with their illustrious fans.

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?"

The majority of people who played as the Canucks were the front-runners I stated earlier. A lot of the people who did happen to play as the Canucks were people who just wanted to play a quick game, and weren't so good because of their lack of experience. Therefore, they'd make a lot of stupid decisions. Whats that? You instigated a fight with Ryan McDonagh with Daniel Sedin that will take Sedin off the ice for five minutes? SIGN ME UP!

If a Person Plays as the Boston Bruins

This team is usually for the people who hop on after along stretch of not playing the game. For the regulars, the people who choose the Boston Bruins have on thing on their mind when playing the game: virtual blood. The players who choose the Bruins are usually ones who play the more physical aspect of the game, and want the biggest, baddest, brutiest cavemen in the entire league to go out and separate heads from shoulders in their video game. The Bruins are the team that the people who are not as mentally stable as the rest of us pick.

"Chara Wins: Fatality"

If a Person Selects the Team Canada
Leave the game immediately, because you are dealing with the cream of the crop, grade-A douchebag. I've only seen a few, but my experiences playing them have been more unpleasant than fellatio from a belt-sander. The only way to weed out such douchebags is to refuse to play against them until they change their ways, like an NHL quarantine for assholes.

Be wary these folk when NHL 12 comes out soon, for they will surely make the jump and find more ways to act like fools.